It's all good...

So things just have a way of working themselves out and in way make you stronger as well. It took a little bit to get out of him what was wrong but letting him know that this didn't change what I thought about him and that as long as he was open and honest about it all, it didn't bother me that much. And you know something, it seems to be much more relaxed and laid back with us now that the big thing he didn't want to tell me, though I already knew, is out and in the open and not eating away at him.
So other than this, things are consistently getting better and we're learning new things about each other each day. I mean come on I didn't know I could be a freak and even like it for that matter. actually like it. It just cracks me up so much but at the same time it's like I always knew it was there, I just seemed to ignore it and keep it in the back of my mind....Okay now that is definitely me getting ahead of myself once again, ha! This so isn't what all this is about, that's just a little too personal.
Wow! Yeah! Needless to say I like what this all is but I'm just having fun and not letting anything too serious happen before I know what I truly want out of someone and then of course if they can offer it to me as well. But I will admit it could go there some day....You know as I read back over this I realize at how much I really sound like a little school girl and someone who has already fallen further than they know or want to admit and I'm not sure that I really like that too much....I am happy, he makes me happy, my friends are better than ever and that is where I just want to be right now...

Seriously Now...

How come when things are going along great, someone has to come along and try to ruin it all? I guess I could deal with this on most occasions and just write it off as people who don't know me, are just trying to hate on me and judge something they have no idea about. But when that someone is supposed to be your friend, that's when it really pisses me off and mostly hurts.
Okay I'm getting ahead of myself on this one...surprise, surprise...
Anyway, the carpet man and I have been dating for roughly three weeks and I couldn't be happier than I have been lately. Not only has he helped me quit smoking (which was way overdue), but he has helped bring back my love for cooking, to which I had pretty much given up on because no one ever seem to want to try out my new recipes. He compliments me and shows me that the littlest things can make the greatest difference in any one's life. I know that in the first few months this is how all relationships start out and everything is happy-go-lucky as if nothing could go wrong, beginning of all relationship feeling. Well if that's all it is going to be for now, I'm all for it, I like this feeling and wouldn't change it for the world.
Then of course in comes the friends and no matter what they will be by your side, or at least that is what you believe. One in particular divulge some things to me about my current beau a little while ago about his past, as to try and warn me. Of course I took it all in but didn't say anything to him because everyone has a past (and yes including me), and when he was ready to share this information with me, I knew he would. I mean seriously, what right do I have to pry and pick at things that I didn't even know him when this all was going on; I know there is plenty that I rather keep to myself and until the time is right, I will do just that.
As to make matters worse, she decides to come "clean" and let him know that she already told me because she felt I had the right to know and since he hadn't said anything to me (that she knew of), that it was time to take it all into her own hands. Well needles to say (but of course I love to state the obvious just in case), he got upset and therefore is in a bad mood, which of course puts a damper on my mood as well.
So yeah, that's the problem with some people and opening their mouths when all that should be done is keeping them shut and opinions to themselves. And yes I know that maybe she was looking out for me and my interests but seriously now, was it that or that she is so unhappy with her current love life (non-existing) that she had to make a splash in mine...
Well I guess all that can be done now is wait until tonight and talk it all out with my "CM" and see what comes about and if it is meant to be or if my blinders are really on too tight. Then of course the question of what to do about this "friend" and if she can be trustworthy any more.

Bye Bye Bus Buddy

So last night was the last time my favorite Bus Buddy would be joining me on our daily trip to and from work. Oh no! What am I supposed to call him no?!? This is a big thing to talk about, it's not like I can just switch his name and anyone know what I am talking about. Oh well, whether he likes it or not, he'll ALWAYS BE MY Bus Buddy....We have shared some good laughs and especially some really good stories of just every day life and this I will miss. Now is where I could get all sappy and stupid but that's just not me and if he is reading this on some off chance, I think he'd laugh his azz off and tell me to get over it (or something just as sarcastic). So I would like to say thanks for being such a good friend and listening to me bitch and whine, and not getting me back for slapping you to wake you up. Have fun in your next journey and you better keep me up to date on your city escapades and dating extravaganzas too!

MMM MMM MMM

Oh what a holiday season...this whole new dating thing I thought could use some time apart so we didn't get sick of each other too soon, but it was anything but. Talking every day on the phone at least twice, emailing, chatting, etc throughout the rest of the day. Then when I got back I was "told" not to leave for that long again, he missed me too much. Me being the hopeless romantic I am thought this was all so sweet, and seeing as I saw him Wednesday morning before work and then came home Friday night a little after ten, thought this would be a perfect time away. I got greeted like I had been away for weeks or even months. The scary part of all of it is I am slowly slipping into bliss; you know that feeling where unless you step back and take a breath it could be falling into love and letting all your defenses down. At first I wasn't very sure at if I'd ever be happy again like that (it's on of those where you know you can be but don't want to try because you've been let down too many times before.). But I don't think that I have smiled and laughed ever like this before, it's been nice to just relax and not be bouncing around all over the place. One of the best things so far is the help to quit something that I've just had so much struggle doing before; it's that smoking thing. He doesn't smoke and doesn't like it and therefore won't kiss me if I smoked so I think it's a fair trade. I've also noticed that with him, my passion for cooking and trying new dishes has been renewed and I can hardly wait to get home and just let loose not only in the kitchen but everywhere else.

CP part 2

So what a excellent weekend this was, spent the whole weekend together and just getting to know one another and hanging out. The best part he even let me watch my football game though think he wanted to watch a movie. I know I shouldn't get too far ahead of myself but I smile every time I think about him and even more so when he is around. Usually I am the reserved and shy person who has to be pried open for any type of information, but with him I feel like I can just volunteer the information with no worries. Oh what it is like to be happy and comfortable in front of another...mmmmmmm...

"Carpet Man"

So two dates in two days...ahhh what a feeling, especially when you get along so well and feel completely relaxed around the other person. I had seen him around before and always just thought of him as a player and didn't give him a second glance. Then last weekend he came over to clean the carpets at the apartment and I couldn't help but staring at him, especially when he bent over...hee hee hee... Once all was said and done we were outside just talking about life and even though I was frozen to the core I couldn't bring myself to go inside to warm up. It was finally him who had to leave and so I had but no choice but to say goodbye.

It was the next day and he had called my friends phone to talk with me since he didn't have the guts to have asked the day before for mine. Well he ended up inviting me to hang out possibly the next day after work, for a drink or something. I had almost chickened out at the last minute because I was unsure of what I was getting myself into. Let me just tell you that I am so glad that I didn't, I don't think that I have laughed that hard in a long time; almost to the point of falling off of my chair. we then went back to my house and ended up staying up until all hours talking and learning about each other, completely nonsexual in any way.

Then yesterday I was on cloud nine with the night before replaying over and over in my mind and having trouble hiding my smile all day. He had even called me to say that he was thinking of me and what a good time he had hanging out and even that he would like to see me again that night...So by this time there was a extra hop in my step and smile on my face.

Well of course I couldn't say no and was looking very forward to it even more. This time though was movies and talking at his house, and surprisingly I wasn't uncomfortable at all. Now all I have on my mind is him and really can't wait to see him again! More to come later I'm sure!

MY "bus buddy"

Though you may find it hard to understand, you must know the content of my mind and style, as well as the situation in entirety...just never say that I didn't give you forewarning...
There's always a story and adventure that I have come to expect and mostly, anticipate each morning as we load onto that trip to great ole work each day. Two days have stuck out about this boy and though he may be venturing out into the bigger better world, I know that I will have to relish in these thoughts, for no more recaps of what the weekend held for him and his latest female adventure. Now how this is fair, I don't think I will ever fully understand that in any way...yet I need someone to live vicariously through and he fits the bill. So in case I forget to show my gratitude, much thanks to this bus buddy for letting me have some type of fun even if it really was not me do the experiencing...But not as to jump too soon into this because alas we have at least one more week and that means a weekend in between for more stories to build and add to the ever changing status of where and what he does...

Make up Your mind!

So whoever came up with the term of dating was a brilliant person, but not too smart when establishing the actual rules and regulations of this concept. I mean seriously when you decide that you are going to get out there and explore this word of the opposite sex (or same if that floats your fancy), how are you really to know what to do. It's like sticking a bunch of hungry hennas in a cage with one deer and tell them that they have to share and try to figure out which one has the “right” to devour this prey. Of course it isn't that simple and everything comes out just like any other hunt.
Though I have had a few boyfriends in the past, I am new to this dating world and must admit that I'm sure I like it that much either. If only it were simpler to say okay I like him and want to be with him and he agrees, yeah right....like that will ever happen! Instead it is a game of chance with the odds seeming to be against me no matter what route I take. Just the stress alone is something that no one should have to endure, yet it is addicting until you get it just right.
Yeah I know too many comparisons to deal with right now, it's just one of those thoughts that are coming out way too fast for me to write down so this is how it has to be. Anyway, I guess you could say this whole topic of rambling came about with a recent re-date with an ex. By which I don't suggest because there is a reason that it didn't work the first time around. Well we decided to hang out for a movie night as friends, well at least that is what I thought, and things did a dramatic turn that left me speechless and unsure of what to do. It turned out that that was his intention from the beginning to come over and tell me that he wanted to be with me and that he should have never “left” me in the first place but was stupid. So I guess that the saying you never know what you have until you loose it, is really a true statement.
Wow talk about scatter-brained today...Let's me get back to my whole reason of this thing here. Of course me at times not thinking before I speaking I blurted out maybe....or something of the sort...Well I don't really know what happen but his mood suddenly changed and became all insecure and agitated. I mean seriously what was I supposed to say: yes, please take me back, love me again. That's just not my style and plus I was liking us being able to hang out as friends with no complications involved. I had learned to hide my feelings for him awhile ago whenever we got together so as not to have the possibility of getting hurt again. Now I would like to just kick myself in the azz and say yes, at least in a more subtle and calm way. He has yet to call, text, email or whatever since this night and apparently he is scared I am going to tell him no (as to what I was recently told by a third party). I've tried convincing him that isn't what I am going to or will say but it's that ego thing that some men can't just let go for even a quick second.
Seriously if there is a book of dos and don'ts of dating either casually or on the verge of being exclusive then I must have skipped over that at some point and would like to be redirected back to that section of the book store. Hmmm...what about the being celibate for a long time...nope that wouldn't work...maybe just make out session...that is something I'm going to try and find out about!!!!!!!!